Thursday, December 16, 2010


AAWWwhhh F**K it.
I've come to an understanding which identifies many faults and maybe the breakdown of all sacred virtue. Virility! In there is the crowning achievement of todays ape. Strong in mind AND body .. why punish your mind when you can take out energy on your body AND reap the benefits of the pain inflicted. Exercise is today's penance for living in a parasitic society all the while oil coarsens through our veins. In vain we complain about distain, insane conglomerates yet our piety is relentless. Get:
Fear nothing
Build your me (and not meme) machine to be lean and mean because life's not always serene. You must gleen for a dream and keep keen and unseen. From the bosom unwean, build steam and get that C.R.E.A.M; step on toes, blow thy nose and watch where it goes. [Java apple: hello world! Coming live, in your face to interface and displace your grace. I'm on the case, out of space and pissed like a surprised hippo. Red eye set Go!]
+ Subject is so uptight that only cats and dogs hear them fart.
- To hell w/ a 'Bucket List' I've got a *uckit List and #1 is: get in a fight over dumb shit. Get a story or lose some glory; no worry time heals all wounds.
Vow: build a shell to weather the storm because my sight is cloudy and the fog has lifted.
The patient succumb displacement and the last shall truly first. Wait, weight and hate; precipitate to substantiate the plate, plain and plight. Adiue, Ahmen, Good Night

Sunday, December 12, 2010


Been preoccupied for the last while on procrastination. Today is day 11 .. yesterday was too but I slipped up after feeling lonely at a party. Maybe lonely isn't the best word but I guess I just miss history at times and suppose what an ideal life may have been . . but life isn't rainbows and sherbet; it is what is in your head and what you do which don't always coincide. Anyways, I apologize in advance to anyone who may read this:
I'm going to be more absent in the future: i'm working on a paper back novel called 'the Derek bible'. Ideally, it will be part of an intuitive which entails a sort of book exchange system whereby a writer and reader mail their respective copy to each other. Maybe like a open publishing service where someone reads your work and you read someone's work to circumvent the whole commercial process of publishing and that stuff which is ultimately for the masses who, lets face it, are capable of being coaxed, swayed, mislead etc. 
Anyways, No one really is reading this except myself a buddy and the occasional curious individual thus I will work on my novel till more comments provoke a return. 
It is synced to my email which also is synced to my mobile; therefore I am aware of submissions and your contributions won't go unnoticed.
In the mean time, adieu adieu and cheers.
PS. That means if you enjoy my insight then comment to encourage interaction. I'm open to discussing anything so long as it is not super conventional.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010


According to the exam that I just wrote, this is also know as reaction formation (psychodynamics: Freud). Briefly, smoking update: had a little relapse Sunday night but I had an epiphany too, if you falter then the count doesn't reset but rather you don't get to count the day. Therefore, I am a week smoke-free today. Genius because when I relapsed before it seemed to negate the days accomplished where I should rather revel in rebuking the devil.
Congruently, I wrote an exam today which I was again poorly prepared for but alas, all is well because my objective is to pass the course at this point. My semester went to the dumps after I was duped and dumped by a chump who though she could pump my throat with a lump and turn me into a stump. I nipped this in the rump because I'll get over this hump and triumph. For the best or worst, I am adverse to curse so I'll miss this hearse and get immersed in my diverse new purse. Can't bring me down because I know the noun of sound and bound the found. I'll be around like a hound, mind wound and quite renowned.
Don't give a hoot what you shoot, my choice is absolute and astute to refute this brute. w0.0t w0.0t
The owl chose a vowel to scowl. Be wise, improvise, devise the size of the skies for your highs; dismiss the lies to comprise a demise; compromise, hypothesize and vitalize.
~ Well that's all for today. Brain numb, dumb as I succumb to boredom.

Sunday, December 5, 2010


Day six b*tches, and I have a further pronouncement which is I have gained 5 pounds in the last couple of days. Goal: 145 by the end of the month though I don't really know what will happen. I have the powders and the pills, the will and the fills. Besides, what else am I going to do but study. I'd rather work on my heart attack in a productive manner. Smoking and cloaking broke my heart and now I will start to cart the art of tart.
Anyways, the impetus for today's topic is the idiom: no pain, no gain. This is kind of a derivative of yesterday's speel about buddhist principles of dealing with pain. First of all, you know you're progressing when you aren't comfortable. If you have expelled energy then you are in a deficit and this is good. Who wants to be content when you can expel and reap benefits of exertion. Anyways, today is supposed to be productive for me so I'm going to get a head start and recharge. Short one for today because no one is really listening except me anyways. F*ck you get out of my head, to me you're dead and I'm glad we never wed. You sh*t the bed, made it; now sleep in it because I loath your incongruence and discord. Grow up and get out of my head. Roar, hoar no more, my score is +1 minus you.
Digress and progress for success. Extol, excel, and give them hell. Conditioning bell and casting a spell. Test the depths of the well and revel in the benevolence.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Tabla Rasa

Day Five underway. Had a close call last night as I was coaxed into going into that Vinyl club again but this time without my usual means of escape. Nonetheless, I made it thanks to the support of several friends who want me to succeed.
Anyways, I'm trying to condition my brain to not revel over the past but rather to only think about the present and future. It's not foolproof yet but it gives me some hope and better things to think about. For example, I discovered a lot of food in the fridge and have taken it upon myself to eat it as soon as possible. Some of which may spoil, thus the chicken first but who the f*ck cares about that.
In the silence of the night one is faced with the fears of the unknown. The blackness provokes angst and speculation; intimidation and conviction. No more, no more. I give up caring and embrace what evils may dredge and shred me. My apathy has almost consumed and I care less and less about what was once important. It is me now and in this I thrive. I am cunning, strong, and willful when forced. It is the pressures which truly elucidate one's threshold for either victory or defeat.
- The tree which never gets winded or trampled is mean for deer food and the tree which is abuse grows the thickest of bark and the most beautiful knots. As buddist principles mandate: life is pain and it is how one copes with this which dictates their manifestation as a sentient, adaptive and resilient being.
Therefore I say to you, it is that which you endure that makes you strong and what does not kill you makes you stronger. I need no one and no one needs me, I am an island a lone wolf and I will devour those who transgress my progress. Get the f*ck out of my way because I'm going somewhere and I'm not looking for anyones help. If they give me help then kudos but I owe you nothing other than gratitude for your ignorance. I need be selfish today because yesterday I was self less and am became less than what it takes to bear.
= today is the day that I shit in the street, trampled it on my feet and then jumped on your bed because I am no longer dead.

Friday, December 3, 2010


Day IV and I want an intervenes. Making it though and will continue because this will drives me to see tomorrow and put another notch in my belt.
Today's topic is rejection because today I hurt and in the silence of despair there is heightened reflection and insight. What does it take to reject someone? I think it takes a negligent disposition with an byproduct of intolerance. Add in a little bit of contempt based on naivety and you've got an as$hole concoction.The worst part of all of this is they don't usually contemplate the affect of their disposition and only when they experience rejection themselves, may they feel the bitter pain of being deemed substandard, insufficient or worthless. I'm at a loss for words today but maybe tomorrow will bring more fruitful foliage of articulate heath.

Thursday, December 2, 2010


Day 3 in the bag! Hump day for an ex-smoker and the rest is still uphill; w/e though b/c I think my heart is broken. Onwards and Upwards! I'm curious why no 1 leaves comments so I decided to write a bunch of stuff that'll pi$$ people off and maybe inspire some interpersonal dialog rather than me just writing to myself everyday.
I don't necessarily adhere to the following but I can surely say it to f**k with you all because I'm learning to be more of an a$$hole. Mainly, because I'm too nice of a guy and trying to stick up for myself instead of being a doormat for the succubus and vultures in this world. So here it goes and I don't apologize in advance. F**k you.
1. Men should have never let women vote because once they got their voice, all they will do is b*tch b*tch. STFU and work outside for a change. Whimper about how you make only 70c to every dollar a man makes. SUCK it because that only leaves us men with 30c. I'm not saying all you women are bad but I will say never trust anything that bleeds for a week and doesn't die. Conniving, pathetic and judgmental raiders with a goal to get a head by giving it. You are you're own worst enemy and you'll get yours in the end.
2. All you white people, travel and know how much of an ass you are.
All you Asian people, travel less because there's too many of you and I'm scared.
All you Jews, Nazi's were afraid of you because you were and are still too damn rich and condescending.
All you Black people, all I have to say is sorry and you know what.
All you Hispanics, re f**kin' lax, there's lots of work still.
All you Men, just get it over with and kill each other
Get me while you're at it please, I'm sick of this mystery and misery and I'll give you a run for your $.
3. I am better than you because I know so. I don't even have to prove that to myself because I know me more than you and likely don't really want to know you b/c you'd hurt me more than I hurt myself.
4. F**k you wimps, write something in my comments b/c you all are too busy and have no guts.

There, good ol' fashion catharsis and mud slinging .. get dirty b*tch b/c the gloves are off and i'm jagged.
Atom Bomb in your rock paper scissors.
No peace w/o War! Population crisis and we need another genocide, put me at the top of the list.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010


Day Two Complete! Yup, I am on my way to recovery and not having an easy time. In the ironic coincidence called my life, the topic of my only class for the day was addiction where the prof. took it upon himself to talk about addiction and the various neuro-anatomical regions which are indicative of involvement. FYI: Nucleus Accumbens is a very sexy little place to go for your honeymoon.
I guess I will talk about what I think addiction is; i.e. contrast abuse and use.
Lastly, I will talk about ways to put some power in your will and elucidate a good drill.
Briefly, abuse is not just when someone's ingestion of a substance becomes invasive. It is based on one's dependence such that they would be hindered in the absence of this substance.
Thats right all you caffeine junkies out there. You're addicted and you know it; your brain doesn't hit fourth gear till you use coffee for your clutch and this, IMO, makes you an addict. Don't worry though b/c I'm an addict too, though I have had a tendency to choose less socially acceptable substances because I like to breath my pain in and out.
To elaborate a bit more about an operational definition of addiction again. It is when you become maladaptive and or dysfunctional OR when you are functional but require a non-essential substance (i.e. not food and water [& I don't mean junk food]) to get through your day. Maybe even require is a little strong become you then approach the demarcation of want to need. I want a lot of things but need very few and as much as I'll argue with myself, this list is still pretty damn small.
To curtail or minimize reliance on anything then you simply need to develop a list of things to change which will alter the ultimate change and lastly to adhere to this list. MUCH MUCH easier said than done; believe me I stick like glue to what I do but when it makes me feel like pooh then I must see through.
MEDITATE! Chisel your focus and find suitable supplements which will satiate your desire. For example, I am trying to eat more and exercise to ameliorate my smoking cravings. Secondly and most importantly, I am avoiding BIG triggers, namely drugs (alcohol and delta9THC), not forever though it wouldn't be all to bad to cut out drinking because it kind of sucks in general. I think I'd rather have some exotic fruit juice than some exotic gut juice.
Just make a plan and work on it and keep on adjusting. Evolve, adapt and get fit; grow grow show.
Yes you know so row the flow into what you sow.  Reap a deep heap to keep.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Do What You Do

I chose today's topic to be about the idiom: Do what you love and then find someone to pay you for it. I have come to realize that this analogy is outdated and unrealistic. Sure it's great to aspire to engage in your hobbies and hopefully revel or frolic in them. However, to actually look for a career in this is very domain specific. For example, someone may love to doodle or even to paint. This is great and a wonderful outlet for creative enterprises BUT to realistically expect to be able to pay the bills with production is asinine. Maybe if you love to fix cars then this would be partially beneficial however, increasing the extrinsic motivation by choosing this medium as a vocation is thereby detrimental to one's intrinsic motivation. In other words, by getting paid for doing something you enjoy then adds an emotional and competitive component whereby diminishing one's love for this activity. Also, much like other areas in life, what you love will usually change or at least be modulated based on one's circumstances. Maybe you love listening to a certain genre of music, this will likely change within a decade. Therefore, to pursue a career in the music industry, solely because you enjoy music is short-sighted and premature.
I can add a personal testimony for this. In high school I was pressured to transition to post-secondary education with no latent period with the reasoning that if I took time off then my skills would degrade and getting back in would be difficult. Thus I was presented with trying to choose the lesser of two evils, either prematurely choosing a career versus becoming obsolete. I figured I could likely explore my choice transitionally and diversify while in the university setting. No one told me this would come at a cost and you learn as you go. After 3-years of trying and struggling I eventually gave up and deferred my academic pursuit for 2 years. But enough about me.
The general consensus, therefore infers a need for pragmatic and thoroughly (& maturely) reasoned analysis to omit pursuing something you love as a career and more so to explore that which you have natural talent for.
If you are naturally good with numbers AND enjoy this then have at it but, in general, your performance and competence should be of utmost importance in pursuing vocational experience. No sense in becoming an astronomer if you can't keep the names straight and have little ability to orient yourself in relation to cardinal directions.
Therefore, in sum I would like to suggest a revision to the saying, "find what you love and then get someone to pay you for it" with "find what you are good at and then apply yourself".
~ Keep on Keepin' on
+ ps. smoking update: made it all day w/o. I think today will be [day 1]. Keep strong and keep control; get healthy and save money.

Monday, November 29, 2010


Not too sure why I chose this topic tonight. Smoking update: still working at it. Had a relapse yesterday but am without again, thus I think tomorrow could be my first day of abstinence; wish me luck. Anyways, affluence adheres the the principle: the rich get richer and the poor go out the door.
We live in a very lucky age. As a bigot prof of mine once said, "we are fortunate junkies". Some addictions are more socially acceptable than others but all incur costs and likely they outweigh the benefits. The depth of one's pocket moderately modulates their choice of consumption but either way, usually exceeded the desired expenditure. Ironically, those who work the least make the most due to their experience and those who work the hardest make the meritocratic standard to accumulate a surplus or capital for those who likely squander these resources due to their demarcation from pragmatics.
Then there are those freeloaders who legitimize their lack of contribution on some seemingly inept quality. In my opinion, everyone should work somehow to earn their bread. The only free cheese is in a mouse trap (Russian parable). Doing so builds autonomy, competence, skill-sets and a positive disposition to approach future tasks (aka problems). Progressive propositions penetrating pacification.
Sorry but this'll have to be a short one tonight. Tired and have to mentally prepare myself for a long and hopefully successful day.
Stick to your wit and never submit to the hypocrite; not even a bit or they'll run with it.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Music e' Motion

Greetings all and I apologize for my tardiness of late. I have only excuses and little reason. My quest to quit smoking has held but not with absolute abstinence. BUT only a couple as compared to 1/2 to 3/4 of a pack should be my crowning achievement to facilitate further absolution and progress. Enough about me though and more about you.
Music! Bellows Benicio Del Toro in an acid frenzy clinging to a shower curtain, beckoning Depp to play the translucent melody of J. Airplane. "There is something primal and uncanny about the base" I screamed to an associate at the local club called Vinyl. Ironically, they spin no vinyl and the DJ knows only to play. No interaction between crowd and creator; utter disgrace and dismantlement of what could partially be a healthy and virile scene. But alas, I digress and confess that the music is best when one is obsessed by the quest to be impressed and undressed. A DJ, orchestra, band or brethren must include their muse into their views or their reviews will diffuse, confuse and reap empty pews.
What exactly am I talking about? If you have been there then you know. A venue ascertains a moment in time that will never happen again. A moment where we are united in mind and body as we climax towards the next chorus. Something reminiscent revels and we all know the next phase; in a glaze we scream the line that pays, "Rats in a Maze" as the poet conveys the plays of the strays. Euphoria screaming G L O R I A, or bellowing a remote utterance to the true lyrics. It is the intent being the product of content where we comment the moment and condone it.
You can listen to your music at most any place or time. Embrace the rhythm and rhyme but I find the best grind is amongst my kin in proximal pulsation. Crowded and being shoved as the wallflowers migrate, I try to refocus on the sound and the ground; feet bound and mind wound. Play my song, yes that's my jam and I don't care if I look hammed. I will stand and scream out my voice because I decide and this is my choice. Music for all and for all a good night, bequeath thee best plight in your "RIGHT, TO PARRRRTT EEHH". Side B; DJ drop the beat,
Take me back to the 8 track as I cut slack and retract to the fact that I'm jacked for this piece which is so stacked. Keep on rockin', Keep on dancing, Keep on Keeping on and beckon the feckin' Composer to not be a hosier. Keep it Raw, Real, and Relative.
Right, write, trite
Good Night

Thursday, November 25, 2010


Well so far so good today. Exercise and food galore and doing different things to break the smoking mould (and mold) in my life. Essentially, I would like talk about fate in regards to synchronicity and freewill.
What I consider to be synchronicity are events which occur without our planning however in hindsight we revel in them to have some sort of significance. They essentially are coincidence which we notice to have relevance because the event has a mental association with something else; this association may hold some sort of emotional connection, some sort of aspiration which one hopes would manifest. May just be sh*t found dumb luck. Nevertheless, these are moments when life seems most alive and vibrant. We get a sense of meaning and reason in the events which unfold and we assert meaning to them. For example, if I were to go outside and because I noticed it was gray out AND because I am hoping to quit smoking, I could then say if it rains then I will make it through the day without a cigarette, thereby unloading responsibility for my actions onto the probability of the humidity and convection in the air today. Rather, naive yet we do these things all the time.
I want to reiterate that the purpose of this sort of thinking is to find meaning in the events which unfold in our lives. A sort of reinforcement that our trivial pursuits do amount to some sort of cosmic relevance and we aren't just treading water to survive. I believe that this in of it self is the purpose of live. According to evolutionists, the purpose of life is to become more fit and to reproduce such that our fitter, better, happier, more productive, comfortable . . . (radiohead "fitter happier") which is for the most part very blunt, selfish and mundane; it's the great American way. Fear and loathing in Las Vegas and the plight for the American Dream . . . they found the main nerve yet once it protruded, the ecstacy was too much and hopefully only the gonzo journalism had been able to capture the event which had transpired to a cataclysmic threshold.
However, according to philosophers, reproduction is secondary to the true meaning of life; to learn. To build one's own and others knowledge base so they may further another's knowledge. This is the scientific method and it is now found in databases accessible, implemented, and integrated with the internet (i.e. amalgamation of externets). What an age and what potential; it has become ever so clear that maybe reproduction is not as essential. At least in terms of one's disposition, position and availability to resources. In sum, don't make something that shouldn't be there. No F**kin' sh*t for sh*ts and giggles. But I'm a hypocrite and a little bit of a hedonist. What Can I say Eh, I like to Have a Good Time . . but again Moderation, timing, foresight from hindsight.
I'm kind of getting sidetracked here though. Fate, "what will be will be que sera sera" "Ob lah dee ob lah dah". I guess read into the signs and wonders but don't build your life around it because there needs to be some substance for endurance. It takes lemons to make lemonade and sooner or later they break down and produce a sour substance which without sugar, will only make you piss and moan a lot."
Finally, "carpe diem", "cogito ergo sum" live for the future which has a good past. One hand washes the other and many hands make light work. Only you can stand up for yourself; you're born alone and you'll die alone so you best be good on your own. Through a dog a bone and it'll be your friend, teach a dog to deer and have some fear. Blank faces plugged into themselves do no more than fill shelves. Shine your eyes and speak your voice, live not in fear but to rejoice. Keep up the good fight, go right, go write. Fear not the smite and the height. In our ways will things unfold so get off your a$$ and be bold. Two wrongs don't make a right and two rights fix a wrong, this is rather oblong. Forgive and forget, retreat to fight again; till next time I'm going around the bends.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010


Another word for diligence is persevere and to do so in adversity. I attempt today, to not have one cigarette because I've smoked for 10 years and was in love for 5 . . . if I can work on changing the latter, the former should only be half as hard. Besides, us smokers are a dying breed. I am sick of the cost, cough, conviction, and condescension. I will subsidies with food because I have begun exercising again.
In the aforementioned statement I assert my goal.
Now the tricky part. To make my actions speak louder than words. I intend to do so by controlling my mind, impulses, emotions/reactions and a plethora of other elements of myself which are to my disposal. I can't control life but life won't control me either; we will coexist in a symbiotic relationship of congruence, partial displacement and occasional convergence.
Thus, I have decided how to think and feel, now the approach which requires keeping a surplus of activities to pacify mind and body in positive ways and avoid pathogens which facilitate relapse. This conjecture will hopefully be reinforced by testament of exhibition.
I will make a post late today to update my digression, progression, and projection.
Wish me luck in this new direction because this election has subjection, infection, and best of all reception.
[9 pm: report]
Well, again to day I am reminded that Rome wasn't built in a day. I caved once in the late morning and a full blown relapse after drinks with a neighbor. But alas, 1 left in the pack and tomorrow's another day. I anticipate that I will struggle to not buy another but my diligence will endure. Being sick and tired of being sick and tired is a partial impetus. The benefits far outweigh the drawbacks.
Try try and try again.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

The Information Age

The impetus for today's blog pertains to my mother finally joining facebook. It seems sooner or later everyone becomes apt to seeking apps. To reiterate the words of Marshal McLuhan, "The medium is the message". This was derived from a time which hadn't embraced the corporate lucrativeness of opening the internet to the public. They discovered they could ascertain larger profit margins through people advertising their various ventures to a global network of affluent and capable individuals.
In today's age of real-time connectivity, people are able to communicate instantaneously. Thus this new medium became the idiom of 'time is money'. This doesn't even address the limitless potential of implementing inventory, contact (i.e. interpersonal gambits) discourse, strictly in a business modality. Essentially, we are plugged in and updated as quick as the bit-rate transfer ratio is, depending on one's affluence and habituation.

This was made even more salient yesterday as I spent about 24 hrs with out a cell phone. Research indicates that 99% of the student population have cellphones to enable instantaneous connection to their peers and communication (or other) devices/applications. It was disconcerting and anxiety-arousing as I felt that if someone was trying to communicate with me then there would be a degree of latency and I may fail to comply or reply in a respectable manner of time. This was very different as I've had a phone since my teen years and in general have never been 'offline'. I've been connected to the global network for so long that I take it for granted. This became apparent and emotionally evoking till mid-day when I came to a ob-lah-de ob-lay-dah disposition. Besides, very few things are so essential to available every waking or non-waking hour. Then this subsided as I entered a state of withdrawal and started compulsively checking my email/facebook awaiting an ETA of my phone.

I encourage people who are symbiotically attached to their phones to dare and leave it behind for a day. You'll notice the anxiety in being disconnected from the 'world'. This leads me to my next point. YOU F**King communication enterprises are tyrants who hold your addicts by the clasps of their necks. You overcharge for substandard service (as compared to Eastern Countries) and advocate that we are getting a fair and adequate deal. You try to compensate your overhead by putting all the economic responsibility on the consumer. I demand cheaper rates and less bullsh*t instead of being duped into ransoming my credit and resources for the ability to interact with others via archaic devices. I could care less about having the latest gadget so long as I can SMS, receive and send calls, have some sort of voicemail option. Sure data plans are convenient but this is why I have a netbook. Rant Rumble and Revolt because we are slaves to their corporate agenda.
I believe in open-source, fairly! priced subscriptions for access to copyright declared property (ex. music/films) and even still you can't stop us because we are the people who are resourceful in devising ways to access information. Since the days of Napster, the resourceful individuals have found more innovative (albeit 'illegal') ways to "steal" and distribute digital property. We got a taste of free mediums and are either ignorant or able. Disable, suspend, extradite, sue and review all you want but you wont stop the tidal wave of open-source demand.
- "We want the world and we want it . . . . now?"
- "Are you experienced, or have you ever been experienced?"
- "Break on through" break through the gates of perception and ascend to your destiny.
~that's all for today; keep on rockin' in the fee world you ravaging consumers.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Unexpected Events

Got the paper done on four hours sleep. My topic for today are unexpected events because there's no shortage of those. Essentially, most unanticipated events can theoretically be anticipated and planned for if one keeps a vigilant and acute awareness of their circumstances. The trouble is most of us aren't very good at that. There's a plethora of distractions constantly provoking our attention which hinder our ability to think logically, pragmatically, and coherently. Sometimes we even seek distraction, procrastination, and amusement contrary to our best intentions. So how do I circumvent this problem. Focus, because he who hesitates masturbates: yup, you're f**king yourself.
A relatively new (empirically) yet actually ancient practice for heightening your ability to focus revels in the art of meditation. I'm not talking that levitation while chanting one (unless that works for you). I mean just taking a half hour to focus on as little as possible. Put on some transient music; something mellow slow and 'synthie' with smooth transitions and void of those prominent bird calls and water falls. You're looking for white (or w/e color you enjoy) noise but moderately stimulating. Because the brain is constantly comparing and modulating sensations to dictate perception (both conscious and unconsciously), to train it to simmer and embrace flaccidity can be very invigorating. Furthermore, the better you get at meditation, the better you will be at focusing (practice effects) and the better your mind will function on multiple modalities.
Compound this with exercise and a healthy diet and you've got an eternal life elixir; or the next best thing. Now, coping with the unexpected is easier said than done. First of all, always aspire to keep calm. Your brain doesn't do well with thinking when you're emotionally aroused. It's an evolutionary by-product of what I'll call "shit, tiger" formerly known as fight-or-flight. Physiologically it is your sympathetic nervous system kicking in to kick ass. This works great for dodging buses but when it comes to solving an equation or articulating a coherent sentence, not so good. Hopefully you've been practicing your meditation and can switch into a tranquil and transient state but if you're not the Dalai Lama then try your best and work with what you have. Plan your work and work your plan; don't be an ape, be a man (or person for all you conniving feminists out there). Think things through based on your clue and don't adhere to it like glue. Revise, devise and improvise or else your static will be your demise. Get in the flow and know where to go. Treat your mind and body well and you will be able to tell. The tale I've sought to unveil has led me to the end of this trail.
- "Fear and stupidity has always been the basis of most human actions" - Albert E=MC squared
- "To infinity and beyond" - Buzz Light Year

Sunday, November 21, 2010


Decided to write about focus today because it is something I am lacking lately and something I usually struggle with. For example, I have a surplus of work due this week and due to some novel circumstances, I've done basically nothing; lots of procrastinating and organizing.
The trouble really is that i put the ass in assume; I presume that I am capable of accomplishing more than is realistic. In over-estimating my abilities and under-estimating the task difficulty I usually perform at a substandard level which means that I get by with the skin of my teeth. Regardless, we do the best with what we have and try to develop what skills we do have to ascertain our goals.
A little anecdote, what does a French teacher sound like when telling the class to focus. Basically, if we don't pay attention then we screw ourselves.
But all is not lost. We can heighten our skills of attention capacity by omitting impulses. Using introspection and being aware of our desires we can take conscious thought and hopefully either pacify or augment this somehow. Anyways, looks like I've lost focus of my priorities and responsibilities yet again. Got a paper due tomorrow instead of Wednesday. Thus, I will likely not sleep tonight. Wish me luck.

Saturday, November 20, 2010


The following is a piece I wrote in my journal and thought it was provoking:

This seems to be the most appropriate place to begin because it is so central to myself and seemingly to others too.
Now, when I refer to spirituality, I address one's basis for theiir demeanour, personaliity, morals, and principles. I detest the dogmatic unquestioned literal consolidation or adherence to verbatim obedience of doctrine. Such doctrine is often writen in either a grandios, manefesto, and or deemed supreme authority indigted by an establishmen, organisation or supposed diety. The context need be ambiguous to instigate or provoke interpretation, plagurism, and semantical ludicricity. Otherwise, specifics are interpreted in a liiteral rather than subjective sense.
I choose to not suscribe to any religion because each advocates righteous principles but get caught up in political segregative and power-striving endeavours. Usuallly one group are believed to be wholisticallly superior than another and the deviate are to be thwarted to redeem or rectify their transgressions. This is faulty and fascistic reasoning which facilitates greed, lust, and power (to just name a few adjectives). One must understand that the superordinate declaration is species specific and other conspecifics are intrinsically contributive to the development and progression of the whole (i.e. unified humanity).
Each rhetoric adheres to culture-specific orientations which undermine a specie's aspiration for self and collective improvement. This is technology: the use and occasionally misuse of tools which facilitate a process which may be impossible, redundant, mundane or complicated. We invent and circumvent such luxuries for both selfish and altruistic compensation.

It is important to develop some method of self-actualization self improvement and a sense of relation to reality or the universe (to infinity) but I don't think that any human paradigm can comprehensively interpret the dynamics and thus no consensus should be formulated as an absolute measure. If want to form a social group then all the better but to go about ostracizing other groups for their reluctance to join is ignorant. Ignorance is bliss but in ecstasy and the plight for utopia one must also understand that this is not a mutually exclusive venture. Every action has a consequence in a plethora of integrated integrity: the butterfly effect captures this very succinctly.
Human's number one flaw and shortcoming is their inability to effectively operate and implement the impacts of exponential growth. We have only dealt with this phenomena relatively recently because of our devised methods of sustaining information beyond a life-time. Evolutionarily we based our analysis on a need-be and remote analysis. We base our probability on experience rather than algorithmic truancy. Could this be the downfall of our rather parasitic existence? It's 11:59 in the bacteria bottle and we're still wondering if the grocery store is 24hr. Foresight seems stifled by recursive thinking without taking change into the equation. If we seek spiritual cleansing, f**k the bran muffin, devise a feasible way to implement and maintain sustainability. Our physical existence sort of depends on it unless we want to really emulate true parasitic nature and infect other planets with our tendency to underestimate resource depletion.
Well, that's all the ranting for now. Do your homework and fake a good grade in the charade which we call the education system. A demarcation point of information exchange to a corporate ploy, using access as a decoy to seem coy. True democracy in action!

Friday, November 19, 2010

Short Change

I apologize for the shortness of this but I am under time restraint and must adhere to my responsibilities and principles; for today at least. I want to address change and what it implies.
First I'd like to propose several idioms of change:
Change isn't easy but is usually necessary.
Everything changes all the time and the sooner we come to peace with this the sooner we come to peace with ourselves.
Become a pro at progress and don't die by digressing.
. . . [comment on your own to expand this ^^]

Now, change is necessary and is the product of evolution. That is, if it ain't broke then don't fix it but if it is then have kids and give them the tools to have a positive impact on this conundrum.
One must devise ways to be resilient, adaptable, and approachable in change.
Trial and error, ask an expert, conceptualize and improvise.
Fake it till you make it. Take my heart but please don't break it. Anticipate the future, resonate it, emulate and duplicate it, innovate it and participate in it.

Anyways, More for tomorrow and my thoughts fester for the bestter. Yes sir, three bags full sir.
Ciao 4 Now

Thursday, November 18, 2010

The Intricacies of Starcraft

To the feeble minded I would advise to disregard the following explanation of my diatribe about Starcraft but I find the e-sport fascinating. There are several factors which compose the dynamics of the game. Each has a derivative which cascade in a multi-leafed tree. The key elements are macro management, micro management, economy, tactics, and build-orders.
Macro management is comprised of the ability to make units and buildings while simultaneously multi-tasking between other key elements. The mental and motor tasks required entail, hot-key updating, queuing up  units in the appropriate combination while analyzing what units you and have and what you anticipate your opponent to have; keeping track of your supply and gaging your economy to allocate resources appropriately. By appropriately I mean according to which tactics you employ and your general unit compositions which fair more eloquently in the heat of battle.
The battle is really what dictates the outcome of the game because if you are ambushed, flanked, or misstep then you likely will loose an unfavorable amount of units which puts you behind your opponent.
This is what us fanatics call micromanagement.
Thankfully in Starcraft 2, this was automated to some extent because of auto mining but that is no excuse to get lazy. Where and what you click is crucial; position your units in a wide open area while idle, scout your opponent looking for both holes in play and units provoking, there is a kaleidoscopic abundance to tasks to juggle while being aware of exactly what is manifesting in the game.
Economy is the product of constant worker production to the power of what revenue is garnered. This means keeping track of how many workers are present at each facility and keeping track of the pluralistic acceleration of income.
Expand when favorable, attack when favorable, retreat if you know you're beat and mull over the scenario. Find holes for either drops, snipes, and scouting.
Last I want to talk about build-orders because this is the bread and butter of a competent player. In an aforementioned section I stated: where and what you click is monumental. The order of the development in your architecture effects the progression of the game. You start by deciding your strategy and then enact the correct scope and depth to transition at pinnacle times. Go fast and hard, go passive and intelligent, go big or go home, go with a strong offense and omit some defense, go high or low, tricky or sticky. There are different ways to get to your end-goal and you have to anticipate your opponents moves based on your experience and acute sense of current state phenomena.

In sum, these key elements are what you must acquire, practice, 'perfect' and develop based on current paradigms in the community. A Starcraft Player, in an evolutionary sense, must adapt to the virtual environment or they will not compete as well with con-specifics and be thwarted of status, report and prestige.

Now the community, aside from the game and competition it self, are another confounding dynamic to the slew of benefits from this hobby. You meet interesting people from around the world, develop relationships and interact on a very affluent basis. The hoards of people interested knows no bounds to supporting each other in the love of such a robust and sophisticated e-sport. Yes, E-Sport because it requires any amount of cortical arousal which is synonymous to the distribution of activation. I have no basis for this claim except for the assumption that the tactile dexterity, visual coordination, auditory acuteness, planning and assessing, emotional regulation to think rationally rather than focusing of the possible out come of the match. These are all traits and characteristics of something which requires experience and dedication for the betterment of self and affiliates.

I don't want to even touch the progamer scene which is extolled in the community. Top ranked players duke it out on a quasi-daily basis to ascend up various brackets, ladders, ratios for the chances at sizable monetary compensation, gratitude and recognition.

SO there . . . I've said my piece and now have peace. I've highlighted what I think is unique about a Starcraft hobby vis-a-vis some less cerebral venture. All good things in moderation and put responsibilities first and foremost. Besides only the fanatics make it and you should focus on getting your life together in tandem with homing your keen intellect, dialect, respect, affect, and effect. Protect your subject and suspect an aspect to project and resurrect.


This will be a work in progress because that is exactly what relationships are.
They vary upon affiliation, frequency, duration, and intensity.

To highlight some principles:
1. Compromise, interpret, back translate, communicate, integrate and only give up when it seems absolutely hopeless. I emphasis the absolute because all good things take time. Emotions defer rational and rather than reacting and making decisions based on how you are feeling at the moment; it becomes better to take time to isolate yourself for the situation. Take time to reflect and most importantly, try to understand where the other individual is coming from. This is one of the most defining traits of humans. We have the ability to view a scenario and to put ourselves in the others shoes per se; the ability to understand their intentions, reactions, dispositions, suppositions. It is through this that clarity and understanding thrive and to not rush things is essential.

We are naturally evolved to fear the unknown. When in a flight or fight scenario we have more practice with flight because he who runs away lives to run another day. In the environment (Evolutionary Environment of our Ancestors: EEA) this was a very adaptive tendency because this allowed us to thwart potential danger.
- When in doubt throw it out: Bad food is better left for the flowers than yourself.
HOWEVER, when it comes to relationships, flight is a maladaptive tendency because people don't really go away. They just digress and get preoccupied with other ventures like work or other friends. If two people have a conflict and value the relationship then they should progressively work out the kinks in the most adaptable, egalitarian and pragmatic manner. The better this is communicated, the better the mutual understanding and the better the circumstances.

2. Keep it real. People have a tendency for habit and patterns. We love them and seek them for stability. Furthermore, diligence does facilitate progress but it depends on what the activity is. I have heard from various parties that relationships get stagnant. Spontaneousness is a rarity because it requires resources and creativity. Established individuals get into a grind where they wake up and go to work, get home and make dinner and whatever time is left (i.e. once responsibilities are satiated) THEN intimacy ensues. Whether this be pacifying to a film together, sharing stories/thoughts/feelings or engaging in some other activity, I have learned that this is where the relationship is maintained. Other endeavors are means to uphold and adhere to this. I want to emphasis that this is F**King hard and there are innumerable factors which impede upon this.
Get your priorities straight; universe, self, partner, family, friends, acquaintances and last are the means to pleasure, comfort and sustainability.

Anyways, this is all I have for now and time is pressing, responsibilities impede upon aspirations unless they coincide. Then you are the lucky few who get paid to do what you truly love.

~Keep on rockin' in the fee world


I find it pertinent to exclaim a disclaimer to those who read my words. Firstly, the validity of my statements are disputable because what is deemed true is constantly changing. Thus, I state what I've read and heard, what I interpret, generalize and derive. Secondly, I am in duress at the moment due to some pressing life circumstances. I would like to divulge the details but I want to wait till there is some sort of a resolution. Hopefully, a happy ending but time will tell. In the mean time, I will continue to define the sublime with rhyme. If there are any topics my readers wish for me to dispute, extol, etcetera then please communicate in a respectable and comprehensive manner. Good manners are what separate the intelligent from the negligent.

Anyways, I will upload some notes from my little black book; 'and I bet you all wanna have a look' (Bestie Boys)
Till then,
Keep on rockin' in the fee world


In the beginning there were words and the words were from God. But now we think that the words were from men who know that by speaking Gods morals, they could influence people in peculiar ways.

I've decided to begin blogging because I've heard that my words, though flawed and cryptic, do have some validity and some amusing appeal. I also find that articulating my thoughts offloads the burden of having them running around in my memory.

Thus, you poor souls are going to have to bear with me as I will admit that spelling was not my strong suit in school. I cheated rather than memorized to ROTE memory. Also, I traveled down the math stream rather than the language stream of academic discourse. I have made the transition due to a keen interest in the inner workings of the human mind. I am attracted to psychology because it is the study of thought and behaviour. From what I've learned in school, our thoughts are controlled by both covert and overt forces which drives our behaviours. They are very context specific and are modulated by innumerable factors which are or are not apt to our conscious attention.

I guess I will start with explaining my thoughts on consciousness. The principle memento of consciousness is cogito ergo sum: I think therefore I am. I exist in my head which from what I gather, a machine which is continuously interpreting changes in the environment (both internal and external). The internal are monitored by key structures which work in unison to maintain and ordinate the organism around the environment to facilitate reproduction and survival.

The external environment is analysed based on sensation and perception. Our senses use transduction for the various energies proximal to us and adapt them to a modality which our perception is capable of interpreting. There are various and seemingly an infinite impacts which influence this but in general, these are a hinderance. Sure they maintain survival which is good, BUT the trouble is that our minds are seemingly overwhelmed by this exponentially changing world.

This leads me to technology. What is it? People seem to think it this savior of all our troubles or tendencies to be docile and progressive. They view science as some sort of infallible discipline which is discovering the parameter and the intricacies of the reality. However, in reality, science is a meme or idiom for a process of empirical research and analysis. It is a method for comparing information to divulge theories which are more true or feasible than previously thought.

Technology has birthed a rather novel enterprise which has impacted humanity on a scale so gargantuan that those who are out of the loop are quickly falling behind the development of consciousness. We are now interconnected via satellite to every other entity who are also plugged in. Awareness about peoples affairs, current beliefs, 'news', stories, anticipations, aspirations. Precedented developments and presumed degradations. We are able to share songs and movies, documents and other things of numerical relevance. Marshal McLuhan would be quite impressed with the internet and Jung must also know that we now have an interconnected consciousness.

Religion is the dogmatic impetus to control the masses. The highlighting features are the tendency to emphasis a reluctance to question authority, to hinder independent thought because independent thought can't be controlled. There's a resounding influence to facilitate their tendency to become drones. To reproduce in a hive mind to be enslaved to the queen so that the fitter better happier can propagate. Fitter have more children, happier means they become more passive and content with their reliance on the dogmatic principles.
Yes, we are dependent upon each other but it seems that those who are more sociopathic, selfish, greedy, etc. are really the one's in control. I don't care if the come for me. Put me out of my misery. I know you are searching these texts for keywords and classifying those who pose a threat. Guess what, we make your food, we pump your gas, we wipe your ass and you need us so grow something better, faster, stronger.
Fucked if I am paranoid, but I can't help but notice the infrastructure which is in place to enable the rich to get rich and the poor to be left behind. Is this really the principle for a technologically advanced culture? We cannot even help our own in an affluent nation because of the propensity for self-preservation. Our tendency to stockpile and build a reserve for the unprecedented and unforeseen future.  
The trouble with hoarding is that there are always a limited abundance of resources and by being (thinking and acting) prehistoric, pre-civility, and exhibiting selfish rather than altruistic mechanisms. We are inhibiting our societal development. Sure people need to die and people need to be born because we are in a population crisis because of the unequal distribution of wealth. This is what I think Marx was getting at because in a utopia we would all get along but we aren't and resource distribution is oblong.

I pose no solution because I have no control. I am dependent on the system to which we extol. We think our opinion matters at the poll. We don't see that our eyes are covered with wool because getting toys seems to be our goal. We eat it up from the crumb to the whole
We are now consumers. No longer farmers. We manage each others productivity to pacify our time while the man collects a dollar to our dime.
Grass roots are burned and media mediums are unconcerned. It's not what matters but what sells, which discerns.