Day Five underway. Had a close call last night as I was coaxed into going into that Vinyl club again but this time without my usual means of escape. Nonetheless, I made it thanks to the support of several friends who want me to succeed.
Anyways, I'm trying to condition my brain to not revel over the past but rather to only think about the present and future. It's not foolproof yet but it gives me some hope and better things to think about. For example, I discovered a lot of food in the fridge and have taken it upon myself to eat it as soon as possible. Some of which may spoil, thus the chicken first but who the f*ck cares about that.
In the silence of the night one is faced with the fears of the unknown. The blackness provokes angst and speculation; intimidation and conviction. No more, no more. I give up caring and embrace what evils may dredge and shred me. My apathy has almost consumed and I care less and less about what was once important. It is me now and in this I thrive. I am cunning, strong, and willful when forced. It is the pressures which truly elucidate one's threshold for either victory or defeat.
- The tree which never gets winded or trampled is mean for deer food and the tree which is abuse grows the thickest of bark and the most beautiful knots. As buddist principles mandate: life is pain and it is how one copes with this which dictates their manifestation as a sentient, adaptive and resilient being.
Therefore I say to you, it is that which you endure that makes you strong and what does not kill you makes you stronger. I need no one and no one needs me, I am an island a lone wolf and I will devour those who transgress my progress. Get the f*ck out of my way because I'm going somewhere and I'm not looking for anyones help. If they give me help then kudos but I owe you nothing other than gratitude for your ignorance. I need be selfish today because yesterday I was self less and am became less than what it takes to bear.
= today is the day that I shit in the street, trampled it on my feet and then jumped on your bed because I am no longer dead.