Thursday, December 16, 2010


AAWWwhhh F**K it.
I've come to an understanding which identifies many faults and maybe the breakdown of all sacred virtue. Virility! In there is the crowning achievement of todays ape. Strong in mind AND body .. why punish your mind when you can take out energy on your body AND reap the benefits of the pain inflicted. Exercise is today's penance for living in a parasitic society all the while oil coarsens through our veins. In vain we complain about distain, insane conglomerates yet our piety is relentless. Get:
Fear nothing
Build your me (and not meme) machine to be lean and mean because life's not always serene. You must gleen for a dream and keep keen and unseen. From the bosom unwean, build steam and get that C.R.E.A.M; step on toes, blow thy nose and watch where it goes. [Java apple: hello world! Coming live, in your face to interface and displace your grace. I'm on the case, out of space and pissed like a surprised hippo. Red eye set Go!]
+ Subject is so uptight that only cats and dogs hear them fart.
- To hell w/ a 'Bucket List' I've got a *uckit List and #1 is: get in a fight over dumb shit. Get a story or lose some glory; no worry time heals all wounds.
Vow: build a shell to weather the storm because my sight is cloudy and the fog has lifted.
The patient succumb displacement and the last shall truly first. Wait, weight and hate; precipitate to substantiate the plate, plain and plight. Adiue, Ahmen, Good Night

Sunday, December 12, 2010


Been preoccupied for the last while on procrastination. Today is day 11 .. yesterday was too but I slipped up after feeling lonely at a party. Maybe lonely isn't the best word but I guess I just miss history at times and suppose what an ideal life may have been . . but life isn't rainbows and sherbet; it is what is in your head and what you do which don't always coincide. Anyways, I apologize in advance to anyone who may read this:
I'm going to be more absent in the future: i'm working on a paper back novel called 'the Derek bible'. Ideally, it will be part of an intuitive which entails a sort of book exchange system whereby a writer and reader mail their respective copy to each other. Maybe like a open publishing service where someone reads your work and you read someone's work to circumvent the whole commercial process of publishing and that stuff which is ultimately for the masses who, lets face it, are capable of being coaxed, swayed, mislead etc. 
Anyways, No one really is reading this except myself a buddy and the occasional curious individual thus I will work on my novel till more comments provoke a return. 
It is synced to my email which also is synced to my mobile; therefore I am aware of submissions and your contributions won't go unnoticed.
In the mean time, adieu adieu and cheers.
PS. That means if you enjoy my insight then comment to encourage interaction. I'm open to discussing anything so long as it is not super conventional.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010


According to the exam that I just wrote, this is also know as reaction formation (psychodynamics: Freud). Briefly, smoking update: had a little relapse Sunday night but I had an epiphany too, if you falter then the count doesn't reset but rather you don't get to count the day. Therefore, I am a week smoke-free today. Genius because when I relapsed before it seemed to negate the days accomplished where I should rather revel in rebuking the devil.
Congruently, I wrote an exam today which I was again poorly prepared for but alas, all is well because my objective is to pass the course at this point. My semester went to the dumps after I was duped and dumped by a chump who though she could pump my throat with a lump and turn me into a stump. I nipped this in the rump because I'll get over this hump and triumph. For the best or worst, I am adverse to curse so I'll miss this hearse and get immersed in my diverse new purse. Can't bring me down because I know the noun of sound and bound the found. I'll be around like a hound, mind wound and quite renowned.
Don't give a hoot what you shoot, my choice is absolute and astute to refute this brute. w0.0t w0.0t
The owl chose a vowel to scowl. Be wise, improvise, devise the size of the skies for your highs; dismiss the lies to comprise a demise; compromise, hypothesize and vitalize.
~ Well that's all for today. Brain numb, dumb as I succumb to boredom.

Sunday, December 5, 2010


Day six b*tches, and I have a further pronouncement which is I have gained 5 pounds in the last couple of days. Goal: 145 by the end of the month though I don't really know what will happen. I have the powders and the pills, the will and the fills. Besides, what else am I going to do but study. I'd rather work on my heart attack in a productive manner. Smoking and cloaking broke my heart and now I will start to cart the art of tart.
Anyways, the impetus for today's topic is the idiom: no pain, no gain. This is kind of a derivative of yesterday's speel about buddhist principles of dealing with pain. First of all, you know you're progressing when you aren't comfortable. If you have expelled energy then you are in a deficit and this is good. Who wants to be content when you can expel and reap benefits of exertion. Anyways, today is supposed to be productive for me so I'm going to get a head start and recharge. Short one for today because no one is really listening except me anyways. F*ck you get out of my head, to me you're dead and I'm glad we never wed. You sh*t the bed, made it; now sleep in it because I loath your incongruence and discord. Grow up and get out of my head. Roar, hoar no more, my score is +1 minus you.
Digress and progress for success. Extol, excel, and give them hell. Conditioning bell and casting a spell. Test the depths of the well and revel in the benevolence.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Tabla Rasa

Day Five underway. Had a close call last night as I was coaxed into going into that Vinyl club again but this time without my usual means of escape. Nonetheless, I made it thanks to the support of several friends who want me to succeed.
Anyways, I'm trying to condition my brain to not revel over the past but rather to only think about the present and future. It's not foolproof yet but it gives me some hope and better things to think about. For example, I discovered a lot of food in the fridge and have taken it upon myself to eat it as soon as possible. Some of which may spoil, thus the chicken first but who the f*ck cares about that.
In the silence of the night one is faced with the fears of the unknown. The blackness provokes angst and speculation; intimidation and conviction. No more, no more. I give up caring and embrace what evils may dredge and shred me. My apathy has almost consumed and I care less and less about what was once important. It is me now and in this I thrive. I am cunning, strong, and willful when forced. It is the pressures which truly elucidate one's threshold for either victory or defeat.
- The tree which never gets winded or trampled is mean for deer food and the tree which is abuse grows the thickest of bark and the most beautiful knots. As buddist principles mandate: life is pain and it is how one copes with this which dictates their manifestation as a sentient, adaptive and resilient being.
Therefore I say to you, it is that which you endure that makes you strong and what does not kill you makes you stronger. I need no one and no one needs me, I am an island a lone wolf and I will devour those who transgress my progress. Get the f*ck out of my way because I'm going somewhere and I'm not looking for anyones help. If they give me help then kudos but I owe you nothing other than gratitude for your ignorance. I need be selfish today because yesterday I was self less and am became less than what it takes to bear.
= today is the day that I shit in the street, trampled it on my feet and then jumped on your bed because I am no longer dead.

Friday, December 3, 2010


Day IV and I want an intervenes. Making it though and will continue because this will drives me to see tomorrow and put another notch in my belt.
Today's topic is rejection because today I hurt and in the silence of despair there is heightened reflection and insight. What does it take to reject someone? I think it takes a negligent disposition with an byproduct of intolerance. Add in a little bit of contempt based on naivety and you've got an as$hole concoction.The worst part of all of this is they don't usually contemplate the affect of their disposition and only when they experience rejection themselves, may they feel the bitter pain of being deemed substandard, insufficient or worthless. I'm at a loss for words today but maybe tomorrow will bring more fruitful foliage of articulate heath.

Thursday, December 2, 2010


Day 3 in the bag! Hump day for an ex-smoker and the rest is still uphill; w/e though b/c I think my heart is broken. Onwards and Upwards! I'm curious why no 1 leaves comments so I decided to write a bunch of stuff that'll pi$$ people off and maybe inspire some interpersonal dialog rather than me just writing to myself everyday.
I don't necessarily adhere to the following but I can surely say it to f**k with you all because I'm learning to be more of an a$$hole. Mainly, because I'm too nice of a guy and trying to stick up for myself instead of being a doormat for the succubus and vultures in this world. So here it goes and I don't apologize in advance. F**k you.
1. Men should have never let women vote because once they got their voice, all they will do is b*tch b*tch. STFU and work outside for a change. Whimper about how you make only 70c to every dollar a man makes. SUCK it because that only leaves us men with 30c. I'm not saying all you women are bad but I will say never trust anything that bleeds for a week and doesn't die. Conniving, pathetic and judgmental raiders with a goal to get a head by giving it. You are you're own worst enemy and you'll get yours in the end.
2. All you white people, travel and know how much of an ass you are.
All you Asian people, travel less because there's too many of you and I'm scared.
All you Jews, Nazi's were afraid of you because you were and are still too damn rich and condescending.
All you Black people, all I have to say is sorry and you know what.
All you Hispanics, re f**kin' lax, there's lots of work still.
All you Men, just get it over with and kill each other
Get me while you're at it please, I'm sick of this mystery and misery and I'll give you a run for your $.
3. I am better than you because I know so. I don't even have to prove that to myself because I know me more than you and likely don't really want to know you b/c you'd hurt me more than I hurt myself.
4. F**k you wimps, write something in my comments b/c you all are too busy and have no guts.

There, good ol' fashion catharsis and mud slinging .. get dirty b*tch b/c the gloves are off and i'm jagged.
Atom Bomb in your rock paper scissors.
No peace w/o War! Population crisis and we need another genocide, put me at the top of the list.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010


Day Two Complete! Yup, I am on my way to recovery and not having an easy time. In the ironic coincidence called my life, the topic of my only class for the day was addiction where the prof. took it upon himself to talk about addiction and the various neuro-anatomical regions which are indicative of involvement. FYI: Nucleus Accumbens is a very sexy little place to go for your honeymoon.
I guess I will talk about what I think addiction is; i.e. contrast abuse and use.
Lastly, I will talk about ways to put some power in your will and elucidate a good drill.
Briefly, abuse is not just when someone's ingestion of a substance becomes invasive. It is based on one's dependence such that they would be hindered in the absence of this substance.
Thats right all you caffeine junkies out there. You're addicted and you know it; your brain doesn't hit fourth gear till you use coffee for your clutch and this, IMO, makes you an addict. Don't worry though b/c I'm an addict too, though I have had a tendency to choose less socially acceptable substances because I like to breath my pain in and out.
To elaborate a bit more about an operational definition of addiction again. It is when you become maladaptive and or dysfunctional OR when you are functional but require a non-essential substance (i.e. not food and water [& I don't mean junk food]) to get through your day. Maybe even require is a little strong become you then approach the demarcation of want to need. I want a lot of things but need very few and as much as I'll argue with myself, this list is still pretty damn small.
To curtail or minimize reliance on anything then you simply need to develop a list of things to change which will alter the ultimate change and lastly to adhere to this list. MUCH MUCH easier said than done; believe me I stick like glue to what I do but when it makes me feel like pooh then I must see through.
MEDITATE! Chisel your focus and find suitable supplements which will satiate your desire. For example, I am trying to eat more and exercise to ameliorate my smoking cravings. Secondly and most importantly, I am avoiding BIG triggers, namely drugs (alcohol and delta9THC), not forever though it wouldn't be all to bad to cut out drinking because it kind of sucks in general. I think I'd rather have some exotic fruit juice than some exotic gut juice.
Just make a plan and work on it and keep on adjusting. Evolve, adapt and get fit; grow grow show.
Yes you know so row the flow into what you sow.  Reap a deep heap to keep.