Eulogy

Okay all you pricks,
Buckle the fur up cuz it's gonna be a bumpy ride. The events came to fruition! It looks likely that I will live past 27 and thus will hopefully transcend the 27th year curse which befalls many greats. Thus, I am lead to believe that I will survive into moments which many will come to know. How? By the ascension of time through the medium of script? English script 2.0. You may say my prior attempts where in beta but I think I found my deranged voice by not caring who I offend. Fur you all and you're naive pretentious bull shot wounds. I am a vigilante, a teacher, a poet, a scholar and a gentle man. Never forget that as I mind fur your skull with the works which I will bestow to you once I see a demand for my voice .. my influence .. I wont sing you fuzzy little dreams to coo you to sleep or tell you if you look fat in a dress? If you have to ask then you doubt.. ahem... I digress from my shadowy past till I get some feedback. I apologize in advance if you are offended by my crass tongue but what can I say? My hide is thick, I was a smoker for many years.. still am battling this demon but I think I've on the cusp of this. No more punishment for the sins of my forefathers. I will right damn you, write? Anyways, This will be my last publicly published work till I have both some feedback and some mews. Anything to know I will hopefully be able to contribute more to society than merely reproducing. Demonstrating good intention, karma and documenting the words which freely bounce around in my mind. Don't mind me, I lost it somewhere along the way but I've got wheels now and am offering a lift. If I can afford I may get a bus.. yeah, one of those pimp pink pinata types with indoor plumbing and satellite TV for the whole family to be watched. As HST said, there's no such thing as paranoia, just ignorance. Anyways, I'm feeling the end of this so I'll be brief frank lee jr. Subscribe and if my outlaw gonzo styled stammering tantalize your pleasure centers; press enter on the center of the box to subscribe. I'm no scribe but I'll divide the diatribe I describe if des nuts are mine. Fur SO that's all for now until I meet my quota by choice or necessity.
Cheers, mahalo, kudos and remember:
Res Ipsa Loquitur bitches

eschew

Well it has been well over a month but I'm feeling enlightened tonight to convey some of my thoughts. I can't even categorize them but regardless here they are. While washing dishes I came to think doubt is easy and people are much quicker to judge and discredit other people's beliefs than they are to devise their own. It is typically easier to listen than to talk because to listen is to judge while talking or articulating requires a degree of insight. Of course not absolutely or in any context but seemingly for the majority of the time.
People are prone to bastardizing beliefs and faith because one also doesn't like to be wrong; fear is noxious however it is also the force which guides ourselves to seek that which evokes less fear. Take Christianity for example. I once knew someone who rebuked this system because she said it was condoning convictions of fear to guide one towards living a life of asceticism. The irony is that, albeit hopefully, she will come to understand the merits of restraint and virtuous self-control. I'm not making claims that one should abstain from all vices and void-joys but simply suggesting that the goal does not justify the means. Love and time are the most valuable resources humans poses yet it also seems that the constituents of love and the quality of time have both been perverted; a lull in civilized stature.
Stability, resourcefulness and a resounding need for resilience are our plights to excellence yet to they are qualities which are never satisfied nor content; a working process which propels studiousness and humble stoicism. Does this even make sense? Surely these ideas are of the same origin but our insatiable need to tailor semantical discrepancies has become a zealous undertaking of academia or the esteemed intellectuals.
All I can say left for this eve as I know tomorrow comes fast is: one can never relinquish hope or faith (in what is relative) because to uphold a purpose and function is divine and otherwise dismal solitude combined with contemplative non-existence toil the waking thoughts and comes to mean nothing. Something is better than nothing so long as happiness is emphasized though suffering is needed to make joy more salient. Do not hate pain but understand it exists for preservation of self and to make the lack thereof all the better. Take joy in small assumptions such as breath and sustenance be it food, water, shelter or love because all are necessary for peace or maybe serenity.
Think fast, talk slow, say less but mean more. Keep on the proper path to avoid pathology with the foresight for hindsight; live for before but looking forward; Construe true constellations. Find the pi in onions to base opinions. Cherish, forgive and live both new and old memories. I am spent; goodnight

Cantankerous

Adjective Valentines day to myself and cat today!
Thought I'd divert some lyrical energy into this instead of talking about evolution and fitness. My topic is February or maybe better know as Fed-up-U-weary month. Seems like this is about the time of year that a lot of people become rather run roughly. Is it the lack of sun (cold overcast days), valentines day, illness, or none of the bad. Here in Canada we do have Family day and winter break so there is some release but nonetheless.
On a tighter note I will tote the ease which brings me limber and limerick alliteration. The following may make no sense but it's my penance and suspense as these seemingly phonetic utterances comply to grammar yet semantically and emphatically they digress. It could be that "Colorless green ideas sleep furiously" or maybe there's something deeper than rote memories. Blank expressions dive deep into a pool of nimble honey. Can you elaborate to dilate my lack of creative expression? Do you see through these lines to fill the white space which leaves much to be desired? Have you ever touched the surface of your skull where there used to be a lull but now lays something to mull. HEY! BE HERE NOW was their tomorrow's symbiont. Mass grievance for an unfulfilled providence. Nonetheless, where there was a damp cloth there is now a dry sponge and the dishes are done so lets eat. This is for me to know and you to find out; what the heck am I talking about, move on to the next phase . .:
So there I was sipping on some tanquiray when all of a sud on my lip sprouted a fur round rip. Eye law, stop bearing under pressure and cat or acts break concentration.

WEll back to reality . . oh If anyone finds my mind let me know. In the mean time, rewind to wear down the tape so that you can go digital in this new age. Keep Free, Dumb Writes 4EvA

Symposium

A bright and sunny Saturday awaits me with the promise of much camaraderie, music and laughter. Thus, in this mood I thought I'd redeem my posts of late since February tends to be the toughest month. Thank God it's a short one. Yes, updates . . well still dabbling with smoking cigarettes and it's been months since I've blazed. I've found that quiting smoking is one of those things that you intend to do and do eventually get around to it but in the mean time its trivial. I'd be fine if I never had to socialize but the habit is a means to escape the scene to the serene and tranquil outdoors to engross in either dyadic conversation or observe nature and all it's inhabitants. With valentines day coming up I'd like to briefly say, poor schmucks who have fallen trap to the ludicrous charade called love. As I awoke and watched the dawn glisten today I saw a lovely couple walk side by side as they vicariously discussed their divorce and financial disentanglement. Poor folk must think that there's either someone else out there or that they'd be happier alone. Maybe so but nonetheless, time is ticking and people don't age as well as wine. We tend to get more bitter and rancid as our meat loosens and brains become ever more volatile.
- Note to self: find thy self. Also if you find my mind let me know because I've been looking for it.
School is good because I've almost made the 2nd last hump towards my degree; 2nd wave of midterms and papers, final and I'm DONE!! FTW, I've got a degree; someone hire me. I will wave the fee to purse salary. Needlessly, I've completed my quest and didn't do my best but I was there in body and in that's what counts. Oh yes, and I paid for it or just about.
Now, in my closing remarks I'd like to say Hell ya and WtF because as I said to a friend yesterday, "my brain feels like a burnt sponge floating on a sea of syrup or some other viscous liquid.
Um, at last adieu and till next time I feel moved, I bid fare belle and enjoy this little song:

Clarification

Well it turns out that I am not a very clear writer. Guess I knew this all along but I have this terrible habit of trying to be poetic in my presentation and quite often the words don't get across. Thus, I will try and convey my thoughts in a more straightforward and obvious manner. What's new? Well, I've managed to reduce my life to a rather simple and empty state. The quiting anything seems like an effort in vein because I have trouble dealing with problems in a productive or useful way. I have quit using elicit recreational remedies because they just don't seem to interact well with me these days. Quit is a strong word but I guess I've turn down opportunities and abstained from purchases. More precisely, I don't get high because I don't enjoy it anymore and have found my mind to be rather volatile and seemingly leaving me opaque and dull. In general, I'm in a lull and though I have so much going for me like family, finance and foreseeable future I am not happy with myself. Why? Maybe because I'm dissatisfied with my appearance, my enthusiasm, my negativity, my tendency to speak without thinking. Well Hell, whats the point and why do I even record this? Some poor individual may read this . . yet I can't help but write it down on some public forum for the chance to interact with people. Sad really, but hey I'm here to amuse. Well, at least I've managed to increase my weight somewhat and at some discomfort have been eating regularly. Great horn toad, what a load. Sorry for subjecting anyone to this but my ramble is my therapy. On an opposite note, why the rap. Maybe I'm slightly dyslexic or I notice patterns in word sequencing. I'm going to have a nap now. So carry on my wayward son, there'll be peace when you are gone. Lay your weary head to rest.
Boo Yam Ick Ah

Complacence

Thought I'd update this because it's been a while and I'm looking to defer studying yet again. Old habits die hard but I do try and will succeed. Had a funk of a weekend with the remission of some obsessive thought processes which are starting to simmer again but nonetheless leads me awry. I've gotta get out of my life I think, any takers or condolences?
In the wake of malice and mediocre bourgeois, the proponents become ever so clear. Nuance and exile infer a contingency of unkempt contempt. Stout rapture of a glorified prodigy, a paragon to piety or pity; you decide. Could this be the end or a new beginning? What was that . . . were they listening . . . never mind. This is bat country and someone's been feeding booze to these goddamn animals. It's a feeding zoo frenzy with my consciousness as an appetizer. Only me and my faithful companion prevail on this thimble called here or now or some resonance of existence. If only he could talk we would demarcate to our perspective sides, to thrash about wildly like a snake in seizure. Ambivalence maybe or certainly not boredum seeing as there are dogs tearing themselves to shreds just out my window. Silly beasts, tricks are for skids.
Whatever, I enthrall in the plight of life. The bliss extacy and reciprocal slumber of perpetuating preclusions. Occlude we may but only the sleeping dragon guards the treasures in the cave. Wake him and shield your catacombs because a whirlwind hast never flew over the coo coo's nest. Well, my times up and another shift's in the bag. Now onto MEMORY!! oh, I may have the pleasure of augmenting 'retrograde amnesia' on wikipedia so keep your ears low for that. Other than that I'll leave you to your own devices to which suffices.

Let it snow, Let it snow, Let it snow. Never before seen hear you all for the days of bedazzlement are at hand. Random or cryptic, serious or sarcastic, insane or persistent, polarity or passivity. Rectify Rectify Rectify, Electrify, Electrify. Cookie mmhh sigh*

Arduous

Thought I'd update this since I've been AWOL, MIA, and other syllogisms which excite your fancy. Busy life or so I'd say and I've managed to keep enduring though some aspects continue to linger. Still not smoking but I slip up when in certain company. Still exercising and over eating though I think at this point I'm just eating often because I haven't the time or the desire to be uncomfortable. Anyways, enough about me and my exuberant life of benevolence, malevolence, dissidence, hesitance and suspense. I feel compelled to share a little exert from a post mandated by a lulling course I've subjected myself to:

Cheating in Sport

I think that cheating in sports is inevitable. Because of the high demand for a competitive edge then individuals will seek all alternatives and prospects which pose an opportunity to excel. I'm reluctant to condone a zero-tolerance mentality because I understand that the world is not black and white. Authorities have the intentions of eliminating the use of substances which are shown to be harmful to those who use them. However, the verdict is still out for a lot of nutrient substitutes, stabilizers and a kaleidoscopic plethora of other 'legitimate' enhancers. I think the term 'drug' is pretty elusive and subject to interpretation seeing as the dominant criteria which connotes inclusion is based on conglomerates who endorses and receive revenue from such classifications. Therefore, I say continue to investigate and hash out the harmful effects of substances athletes ingest and continue to reprimand those for emancipated transgressions but remain weary of fraudulence too. You are what you eat and if you've gotta 'supplement' to keep up then maybe there is something wrong that you aren't addressing; which is to find contention in your calibre of performance and don't take it out on yourself so much. Pertaining to 'doctoring' your equipment, I say regulations mandate the criteria and to thwart this is an act of anarchy; fore shame, for shame. You know we are LIVING IN A SOCIETY!

Fans are indifferent because they are fanatical and selfish, void of empathy and compassion; loyalty is a rarity, opinions vary and what people say and do have vast incongruity. In a disposable society we throughout the razor who has lost its edge and look for the next best thing; sad really but life ain't fair and all we can do is try not cry or go awry.

Gamesmanship versus Sportsmanship are nice fuzzy terms to illustrate if one plays a game versus if one plays a sport. If you've read my short diatribe about contrasting the two then you'll know that sports are about competition and deduce that games are about recreation aka fun. Thus, is it ironic that these terms are paradoxical or at least contrary to what they're to represent. I know gamesmanship is supposed to infer an emphasis on winning the game and sportsmanship is supposed to emphasize being a good 'sport' but I do find it uncanny. Nonetheless, my experience revolved about discerning these two terms and remembering that sportsmanship relate to games and gamesmanship relate to sports.
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So as you see I succumbed to my tendency to overuse my vocabulary and conjunctive articulation. Hence, I'm not going into research and prefer people to paper. Though both seem to be the bane of my existence these days. Nonetheless! PROGRESS and DIGRESS!

Commencement

Greetings one and all. I've been swayed to do a little update and thought I would talk about nature vs. nurture since I've started a cool book emphasizing nature (i.e. the dynamics of genes). So I have managed to endure the grueling process of quiting smoking. Have relapsed on occasion but still manage to remain a non-smoker. Been exercising mostly everyday; a one hour routine of cardio and calisthenics. Also been eating a lot in a ploy to gain weight. Gained a good five pounds with five as an indicator of improvement and a final goal of another ten. School started, last semester and looking for a job once volunteering expires. I'm intentionally being kinda elusive because well . . I don't sincerely care about people anymore or at least these days. I'm dead inside and here for the ride, till time turns the tide I will not confide.

Anyways Nature versus Nurture . . the latter impacts the former. They aren't mutually exclusive but we are the manifestation of our genes and proteins and it seems that the external impacts the internal in a symbiotic relationship. Congruently, is it the energy in the light-bulb which aids me to see or is the the light-bulbs certain conductive properties which brightens my night? Is it the source of the light or is the composition just right.
I put on my genes and they were a little loose but that's okay because I'm a little baggie these days and don't need to fit the cliche just yet. I'll get the dress-shirt, dress-pants, lasik and gel when I leave this hell where I wish I could be saved by the bell. The life comes with the salary which comes with the scene, serenity oh so serene. See what I gleam as I dream and keep keen. In the mean time .. fuk U:
Cee Lo Green - Fu c k You 

Grease

AAWWwhhh F**K it.
I've come to an understanding which identifies many faults and maybe the breakdown of all sacred virtue. Virility! In there is the crowning achievement of todays ape. Strong in mind AND body .. why punish your mind when you can take out energy on your body AND reap the benefits of the pain inflicted. Exercise is today's penance for living in a parasitic society all the while oil coarsens through our veins. In vain we complain about distain, insane conglomerates yet our piety is relentless. Get:
Hope_
Fear nothing
Build your me (and not meme) machine to be lean and mean because life's not always serene. You must gleen for a dream and keep keen and unseen. From the bosom unwean, build steam and get that C.R.E.A.M; step on toes, blow thy nose and watch where it goes. [Java apple: hello world! Coming live, in your face to interface and displace your grace. I'm on the case, out of space and pissed like a surprised hippo. Red eye set Go!]
+ Subject is so uptight that only cats and dogs hear them fart.
- To hell w/ a 'Bucket List' I've got a *uckit List and #1 is: get in a fight over dumb shit. Get a story or lose some glory; no worry time heals all wounds.
###########################################################################
Vow: build a shell to weather the storm because my sight is cloudy and the fog has lifted.
The patient succumb displacement and the last shall truly first. Wait, weight and hate; precipitate to substantiate the plate, plain and plight. Adiue, Ahmen, Good Night

Omission

Been preoccupied for the last while on procrastination. Today is day 11 .. yesterday was too but I slipped up after feeling lonely at a party. Maybe lonely isn't the best word but I guess I just miss history at times and suppose what an ideal life may have been . . but life isn't rainbows and sherbet; it is what is in your head and what you do which don't always coincide. Anyways, I apologize in advance to anyone who may read this:
I'm going to be more absent in the future: i'm working on a paper back novel called 'the Derek bible'. Ideally, it will be part of an intuitive which entails a sort of book exchange system whereby a writer and reader mail their respective copy to each other. Maybe like a open publishing service where someone reads your work and you read someone's work to circumvent the whole commercial process of publishing and that stuff which is ultimately for the masses who, lets face it, are capable of being coaxed, swayed, mislead etc. 

Anyways, No one really is reading this except myself a buddy and the occasional curious individual thus I will work on my novel till more comments provoke a return. 

It is synced to my email which also is synced to my mobile; therefore I am aware of submissions and your contributions won't go unnoticed.

In the mean time, adieu adieu and cheers.

PS. That means if you enjoy my insight then comment to encourage interaction. I'm open to discussing anything so long as it is not super conventional.

Optimistic

According to the exam that I just wrote, this is also know as reaction formation (psychodynamics: Freud). Briefly, smoking update: had a little relapse Sunday night but I had an epiphany too, if you falter then the count doesn't reset but rather you don't get to count the day. Therefore, I am a week smoke-free today. Genius because when I relapsed before it seemed to negate the days accomplished where I should rather revel in rebuking the devil.
Congruently, I wrote an exam today which I was again poorly prepared for but alas, all is well because my objective is to pass the course at this point. My semester went to the dumps after I was duped and dumped by a chump who though she could pump my throat with a lump and turn me into a stump. I nipped this in the rump because I'll get over this hump and triumph. For the best or worst, I am adverse to curse so I'll miss this hearse and get immersed in my diverse new purse. Can't bring me down because I know the noun of sound and bound the found. I'll be around like a hound, mind wound and quite renowned.
Don't give a hoot what you shoot, my choice is absolute and astute to refute this brute. w0.0t w0.0t
{o,o}
|)__)
-”-”-
The owl chose a vowel to scowl. Be wise, improvise, devise the size of the skies for your highs; dismiss the lies to comprise a demise; compromise, hypothesize and vitalize.
~ Well that's all for today. Brain numb, dumb as I succumb to boredom.

Gain

Day six b*tches, and I have a further pronouncement which is I have gained 5 pounds in the last couple of days. Goal: 145 by the end of the month though I don't really know what will happen. I have the powders and the pills, the will and the fills. Besides, what else am I going to do but study. I'd rather work on my heart attack in a productive manner. Smoking and cloaking broke my heart and now I will start to cart the art of tart.
Anyways, the impetus for today's topic is the idiom: no pain, no gain. This is kind of a derivative of yesterday's speel about buddhist principles of dealing with pain. First of all, you know you're progressing when you aren't comfortable. If you have expelled energy then you are in a deficit and this is good. Who wants to be content when you can expel and reap benefits of exertion. Anyways, today is supposed to be productive for me so I'm going to get a head start and recharge. Short one for today because no one is really listening except me anyways. F*ck you get out of my head, to me you're dead and I'm glad we never wed. You sh*t the bed, made it; now sleep in it because I loath your incongruence and discord. Grow up and get out of my head. Roar, hoar no more, my score is +1 minus you.
Digress and progress for success. Extol, excel, and give them hell. Conditioning bell and casting a spell. Test the depths of the well and revel in the benevolence.

Tabla Rasa

Day Five underway. Had a close call last night as I was coaxed into going into that Vinyl club again but this time without my usual means of escape. Nonetheless, I made it thanks to the support of several friends who want me to succeed.
Anyways, I'm trying to condition my brain to not revel over the past but rather to only think about the present and future. It's not foolproof yet but it gives me some hope and better things to think about. For example, I discovered a lot of food in the fridge and have taken it upon myself to eat it as soon as possible. Some of which may spoil, thus the chicken first but who the f*ck cares about that.
In the silence of the night one is faced with the fears of the unknown. The blackness provokes angst and speculation; intimidation and conviction. No more, no more. I give up caring and embrace what evils may dredge and shred me. My apathy has almost consumed and I care less and less about what was once important. It is me now and in this I thrive. I am cunning, strong, and willful when forced. It is the pressures which truly elucidate one's threshold for either victory or defeat.
- The tree which never gets winded or trampled is mean for deer food and the tree which is abuse grows the thickest of bark and the most beautiful knots. As buddist principles mandate: life is pain and it is how one copes with this which dictates their manifestation as a sentient, adaptive and resilient being.
Therefore I say to you, it is that which you endure that makes you strong and what does not kill you makes you stronger. I need no one and no one needs me, I am an island a lone wolf and I will devour those who transgress my progress. Get the f*ck out of my way because I'm going somewhere and I'm not looking for anyones help. If they give me help then kudos but I owe you nothing other than gratitude for your ignorance. I need be selfish today because yesterday I was self less and am became less than what it takes to bear.
= today is the day that I shit in the street, trampled it on my feet and then jumped on your bed because I am no longer dead.

Rejection

Day IV and I want an intervenes. Making it though and will continue because this will drives me to see tomorrow and put another notch in my belt.
Today's topic is rejection because today I hurt and in the silence of despair there is heightened reflection and insight. What does it take to reject someone? I think it takes a negligent disposition with an byproduct of intolerance. Add in a little bit of contempt based on naivety and you've got an as$hole concoction.The worst part of all of this is they don't usually contemplate the affect of their disposition and only when they experience rejection themselves, may they feel the bitter pain of being deemed substandard, insufficient or worthless. I'm at a loss for words today but maybe tomorrow will bring more fruitful foliage of articulate heath.
Bog

Provocation

Day 3 in the bag! Hump day for an ex-smoker and the rest is still uphill; w/e though b/c I think my heart is broken. Onwards and Upwards! I'm curious why no 1 leaves comments so I decided to write a bunch of stuff that'll pi$$ people off and maybe inspire some interpersonal dialog rather than me just writing to myself everyday.
I don't necessarily adhere to the following but I can surely say it to f**k with you all because I'm learning to be more of an a$$hole. Mainly, because I'm too nice of a guy and trying to stick up for myself instead of being a doormat for the succubus and vultures in this world. So here it goes and I don't apologize in advance. F**k you.
1. Men should have never let women vote because once they got their voice, all they will do is b*tch b*tch. STFU and work outside for a change. Whimper about how you make only 70c to every dollar a man makes. SUCK it because that only leaves us men with 30c. I'm not saying all you women are bad but I will say never trust anything that bleeds for a week and doesn't die. Conniving, pathetic and judgmental raiders with a goal to get a head by giving it. You are you're own worst enemy and you'll get yours in the end.
2. All you white people, travel and know how much of an ass you are.
All you Asian people, travel less because there's too many of you and I'm scared.
All you Jews, Nazi's were afraid of you because you were and are still too damn rich and condescending.
All you Black people, all I have to say is sorry and you know what.
All you Hispanics, re f**kin' lax, there's lots of work still.
All you Men, just get it over with and kill each other
Get me while you're at it please, I'm sick of this mystery and misery and I'll give you a run for your $.
3. I am better than you because I know so. I don't even have to prove that to myself because I know me more than you and likely don't really want to know you b/c you'd hurt me more than I hurt myself.
4. F**k you wimps, write something in my comments b/c you all are too busy and have no guts.

There, good ol' fashion catharsis and mud slinging .. get dirty b*tch b/c the gloves are off and i'm jagged.
Atom Bomb in your rock paper scissors.
No peace w/o War! Population crisis and we need another genocide, put me at the top of the list.

Addiction

Day Two Complete! Yup, I am on my way to recovery and not having an easy time. In the ironic coincidence called my life, the topic of my only class for the day was addiction where the prof. took it upon himself to talk about addiction and the various neuro-anatomical regions which are indicative of involvement. FYI: Nucleus Accumbens is a very sexy little place to go for your honeymoon.
I guess I will talk about what I think addiction is; i.e. contrast abuse and use.
Lastly, I will talk about ways to put some power in your will and elucidate a good drill.
Briefly, abuse is not just when someone's ingestion of a substance becomes invasive. It is based on one's dependence such that they would be hindered in the absence of this substance.
Thats right all you caffeine junkies out there. You're addicted and you know it; your brain doesn't hit fourth gear till you use coffee for your clutch and this, IMO, makes you an addict. Don't worry though b/c I'm an addict too, though I have had a tendency to choose less socially acceptable substances because I like to breath my pain in and out.
To elaborate a bit more about an operational definition of addiction again. It is when you become maladaptive and or dysfunctional OR when you are functional but require a non-essential substance (i.e. not food and water [& I don't mean junk food]) to get through your day. Maybe even require is a little strong become you then approach the demarcation of want to need. I want a lot of things but need very few and as much as I'll argue with myself, this list is still pretty damn small.
To curtail or minimize reliance on anything then you simply need to develop a list of things to change which will alter the ultimate change and lastly to adhere to this list. MUCH MUCH easier said than done; believe me I stick like glue to what I do but when it makes me feel like pooh then I must see through.
MEDITATE! Chisel your focus and find suitable supplements which will satiate your desire. For example, I am trying to eat more and exercise to ameliorate my smoking cravings. Secondly and most importantly, I am avoiding BIG triggers, namely drugs (alcohol and delta9THC), not forever though it wouldn't be all to bad to cut out drinking because it kind of sucks in general. I think I'd rather have some exotic fruit juice than some exotic gut juice.
Just make a plan and work on it and keep on adjusting. Evolve, adapt and get fit; grow grow show.
Yes you know so row the flow into what you sow.  Reap a deep heap to keep.

Do What You Do

I chose today's topic to be about the idiom: Do what you love and then find someone to pay you for it. I have come to realize that this analogy is outdated and unrealistic. Sure it's great to aspire to engage in your hobbies and hopefully revel or frolic in them. However, to actually look for a career in this is very domain specific. For example, someone may love to doodle or even to paint. This is great and a wonderful outlet for creative enterprises BUT to realistically expect to be able to pay the bills with production is asinine. Maybe if you love to fix cars then this would be partially beneficial however, increasing the extrinsic motivation by choosing this medium as a vocation is thereby detrimental to one's intrinsic motivation. In other words, by getting paid for doing something you enjoy then adds an emotional and competitive component whereby diminishing one's love for this activity. Also, much like other areas in life, what you love will usually change or at least be modulated based on one's circumstances. Maybe you love listening to a certain genre of music, this will likely change within a decade. Therefore, to pursue a career in the music industry, solely because you enjoy music is short-sighted and premature.
I can add a personal testimony for this. In high school I was pressured to transition to post-secondary education with no latent period with the reasoning that if I took time off then my skills would degrade and getting back in would be difficult. Thus I was presented with trying to choose the lesser of two evils, either prematurely choosing a career versus becoming obsolete. I figured I could likely explore my choice transitionally and diversify while in the university setting. No one told me this would come at a cost and you learn as you go. After 3-years of trying and struggling I eventually gave up and deferred my academic pursuit for 2 years. But enough about me.
The general consensus, therefore infers a need for pragmatic and thoroughly (& maturely) reasoned analysis to omit pursuing something you love as a career and more so to explore that which you have natural talent for.
If you are naturally good with numbers AND enjoy this then have at it but, in general, your performance and competence should be of utmost importance in pursuing vocational experience. No sense in becoming an astronomer if you can't keep the names straight and have little ability to orient yourself in relation to cardinal directions.
Therefore, in sum I would like to suggest a revision to the saying, "find what you love and then get someone to pay you for it" with "find what you are good at and then apply yourself".
~ Keep on Keepin' on
+ ps. smoking update: made it all day w/o. I think today will be [day 1]. Keep strong and keep control; get healthy and save money.

Affluence

Not too sure why I chose this topic tonight. Smoking update: still working at it. Had a relapse yesterday but am without again, thus I think tomorrow could be my first day of abstinence; wish me luck. Anyways, affluence adheres the the principle: the rich get richer and the poor go out the door.
We live in a very lucky age. As a bigot prof of mine once said, "we are fortunate junkies". Some addictions are more socially acceptable than others but all incur costs and likely they outweigh the benefits. The depth of one's pocket moderately modulates their choice of consumption but either way, usually exceeded the desired expenditure. Ironically, those who work the least make the most due to their experience and those who work the hardest make the meritocratic standard to accumulate a surplus or capital for those who likely squander these resources due to their demarcation from pragmatics.
Then there are those freeloaders who legitimize their lack of contribution on some seemingly inept quality. In my opinion, everyone should work somehow to earn their bread. The only free cheese is in a mouse trap (Russian parable). Doing so builds autonomy, competence, skill-sets and a positive disposition to approach future tasks (aka problems). Progressive propositions penetrating pacification.
Sorry but this'll have to be a short one tonight. Tired and have to mentally prepare myself for a long and hopefully successful day.
Stick to your wit and never submit to the hypocrite; not even a bit or they'll run with it.

Music e' Motion

Greetings all and I apologize for my tardiness of late. I have only excuses and little reason. My quest to quit smoking has held but not with absolute abstinence. BUT only a couple as compared to 1/2 to 3/4 of a pack should be my crowning achievement to facilitate further absolution and progress. Enough about me though and more about you.
Music! Bellows Benicio Del Toro in an acid frenzy clinging to a shower curtain, beckoning Depp to play the translucent melody of J. Airplane. "There is something primal and uncanny about the base" I screamed to an associate at the local club called Vinyl. Ironically, they spin no vinyl and the DJ knows only to play. No interaction between crowd and creator; utter disgrace and dismantlement of what could partially be a healthy and virile scene. But alas, I digress and confess that the music is best when one is obsessed by the quest to be impressed and undressed. A DJ, orchestra, band or brethren must include their muse into their views or their reviews will diffuse, confuse and reap empty pews.
What exactly am I talking about? If you have been there then you know. A venue ascertains a moment in time that will never happen again. A moment where we are united in mind and body as we climax towards the next chorus. Something reminiscent revels and we all know the next phase; in a glaze we scream the line that pays, "Rats in a Maze" as the poet conveys the plays of the strays. Euphoria screaming G L O R I A, or bellowing a remote utterance to the true lyrics. It is the intent being the product of content where we comment the moment and condone it.
You can listen to your music at most any place or time. Embrace the rhythm and rhyme but I find the best grind is amongst my kin in proximal pulsation. Crowded and being shoved as the wallflowers migrate, I try to refocus on the sound and the ground; feet bound and mind wound. Play my song, yes that's my jam and I don't care if I look hammed. I will stand and scream out my voice because I decide and this is my choice. Music for all and for all a good night, bequeath thee best plight in your "RIGHT, TO PARRRRTT EEHH". Side B; DJ drop the beat,
Amen
Take me back to the 8 track as I cut slack and retract to the fact that I'm jacked for this piece which is so stacked. Keep on rockin', Keep on dancing, Keep on Keeping on and beckon the feckin' Composer to not be a hosier. Keep it Raw, Real, and Relative.
Right, write, trite
Good Night

Fate

Well so far so good today. Exercise and food galore and doing different things to break the smoking mould (and mold) in my life. Essentially, I would like talk about fate in regards to synchronicity and freewill.
What I consider to be synchronicity are events which occur without our planning however in hindsight we revel in them to have some sort of significance. They essentially are coincidence which we notice to have relevance because the event has a mental association with something else; this association may hold some sort of emotional connection, some sort of aspiration which one hopes would manifest. May just be sh*t found dumb luck. Nevertheless, these are moments when life seems most alive and vibrant. We get a sense of meaning and reason in the events which unfold and we assert meaning to them. For example, if I were to go outside and because I noticed it was gray out AND because I am hoping to quit smoking, I could then say if it rains then I will make it through the day without a cigarette, thereby unloading responsibility for my actions onto the probability of the humidity and convection in the air today. Rather, naive yet we do these things all the time.
I want to reiterate that the purpose of this sort of thinking is to find meaning in the events which unfold in our lives. A sort of reinforcement that our trivial pursuits do amount to some sort of cosmic relevance and we aren't just treading water to survive. I believe that this in of it self is the purpose of live. According to evolutionists, the purpose of life is to become more fit and to reproduce such that our fitter, better, happier, more productive, comfortable . . . (radiohead "fitter happier") which is for the most part very blunt, selfish and mundane; it's the great American way. Fear and loathing in Las Vegas and the plight for the American Dream . . . they found the main nerve yet once it protruded, the ecstacy was too much and hopefully only the gonzo journalism had been able to capture the event which had transpired to a cataclysmic threshold.
However, according to philosophers, reproduction is secondary to the true meaning of life; to learn. To build one's own and others knowledge base so they may further another's knowledge. This is the scientific method and it is now found in databases accessible, implemented, and integrated with the internet (i.e. amalgamation of externets). What an age and what potential; it has become ever so clear that maybe reproduction is not as essential. At least in terms of one's disposition, position and availability to resources. In sum, don't make something that shouldn't be there. No F**kin' sh*t for sh*ts and giggles. But I'm a hypocrite and a little bit of a hedonist. What Can I say Eh, I like to Have a Good Time . . but again Moderation, timing, foresight from hindsight.
I'm kind of getting sidetracked here though. Fate, "what will be will be que sera sera" "Ob lah dee ob lah dah". I guess read into the signs and wonders but don't build your life around it because there needs to be some substance for endurance. It takes lemons to make lemonade and sooner or later they break down and produce a sour substance which without sugar, will only make you piss and moan a lot."
Finally, "carpe diem", "cogito ergo sum" live for the future which has a good past. One hand washes the other and many hands make light work. Only you can stand up for yourself; you're born alone and you'll die alone so you best be good on your own. Through a dog a bone and it'll be your friend, teach a dog to deer and have some fear. Blank faces plugged into themselves do no more than fill shelves. Shine your eyes and speak your voice, live not in fear but to rejoice. Keep up the good fight, go right, go write. Fear not the smite and the height. In our ways will things unfold so get off your a$$ and be bold. Two wrongs don't make a right and two rights fix a wrong, this is rather oblong. Forgive and forget, retreat to fight again; till next time I'm going around the bends.